understand your soulz

15 Sep 2022. I will rem this date. One of our console gaming friends that we kept in touch of over 30 years, Darrise Ah Kiam, he left for the better world. When I learnt of his death, from his wife thru group chat, I am holding back tears. We met up just 2 weeks back. He said everything is getting better. @%#^$,@, if there is a Supreme being. How hard do you want to push him and his family.  RIP bro! Forever buddies among our circle!

Mr Soh, my first and closer neighbour was closed to 90 when he passed away on 5 April 2021. The irony is the news of his passing was informed by his wife to me on 16 April 2021. Talk about close neighbour, haiz. I rem talking to him few days prior and he (as usual) mentioned it is about time for him to leave/die if not of taking care of his wife (due to mild stroke). Mr Soh was a Harvard Grad as I know. Teaching in National JC and become advisor to MOE. Especially smart and alert guy. I didn't manage to find out more info of this death.  REST IN PEACE, MR SOH! 

I have never saw Tenet until very recently since it's released in early 2021.  The storyline was what I have written in my blog "The Sequence is Not Important"  dated 31 May 2020. <Spoiler Alert> Extract of what I have written:  "Are we living the past that the future is already written?  What if we are born for a mission? and what if death is a sign that our mission is accomplished?" Eerie, watch the movie if you have not.  Are we really living in the past where the future is already written?  Sounds demoralizing or sounds exciting? It is about your perspective on how you treat your life, your friends, the Earth, your thoughts, etc.  as my blog says: " life is about work, work and work. what's the actual meaning of life vs work and yourself vs family? "

 as my previous meditation, i tried to go back to the past.  This time round, I read this section again and realised that I can move to the 'future', explaining as such... think about tomorrow, week after what you will do, months after, then maybe to your death and experience beyond...  I tried to go into meditation stance. thinking what i will do tomorrow, and so of the recurring yearly 'happenings' and then i kept 'seeing' this scene.  i am not sure if it is long woolen carpet or long grass, i moved my head around and only saw these long 'grass' or 'wool', all in grey... i tried a few times to move beyond this scene, but stuck.... and i stopped my meditation. I couldn't figure out what it was for few days.  and while mentioning this scene to a fren, i realised that it could be my death.... that's what i will see... just a thought....  One thing to note in meditation, never hang on to what you 'see'...

ah ma was buried by sea this day.... she passed away on 15 Dec 2016.... 16 years ago, this day was my customary day... ah ma always had a place in my heart. she taught us to be independent, to work hard, to be honest and responsible and dont bow down to difficulties.  For those who knew how and what she went through her 98 years in this world, she didn't make it easy.... she made sure that all her 5 children went through primary education single-handedly.  "being illiterate is as good as blind" ... that's her famous quote though she is illiterate herself... she was certain that her generation doesnt her same fate... my dad (most promising to study) even went through 2 schools (Chinese and English schools) for few years. i stayed with her during my early secondary days... once we went to Burger King for meal... she tried to re-create the onion ring the next day (though not so successful) but i admired her never-say-quit attitude... so we had onion rings for ...