Autobiography: My Mum
may 11, 2003... a day that i remembered.. we were celebrating mothers' day with mum, dad and my siblings (usual like any others)... it is the last family celebration with my mum.
(not sure why i remembered this day, probably my birthday which was the following day).
mum told us that she was going to see specialist at Alexandra Hospital the following week...
i always felt closer to her than my siblings since young.
i could sense that she always took special care of me... maybe i was the one that was always sick (suffering asthma attacks), getting most sprains, most cuts and most playful... the weakest in health.
----
although she would nag, shout and scold, and at times, i find her annoying... i really miss her voice now.
Aug 12, 2003 around 3am, my wife and i woke up together... it was weird... no intruders, nothing.
7am, i received a call from meng (my younger bro), "二哥, mother走了!"... i really could not hold back my tears... unfillial, i reproached myself... i did not visit her for few days due to hectic work and my wife's pregnancy... this is my greatest regret.
the week following our mothers' day celebration, she visited the specialist with my sis, found lymph nodes in the neck, doc requested to operate and remove them... X-ray showed signs of cancer cells at lungs... she had the operations (not knowing of the cancer)... my sis consulted us, we seek second opinion with specialist at SGH (that was like one month later due to appointment schedule, ridiculous!)... she was in the fourth stage of cancer, nothing helped.. not even god or any of our beliefs...doc said that some patients could live for more than a year, he told us at least 6 months (how crap!).
respecting her decision to stay home and no chemotherapy (anywhere it's not going to help), we seek help with Hospice...
we were... we were planning to go for a tour before her condition worsen... the plan did not materialise... she got an 'nasty' attack during July (hard of breathing, lungs badly affected) and had to be put on oxygen (thanks to Hospice for supplying the equipment)... things happened so fast...
mum knew her days are numbered, she told dad her will... relatives and friends came... numerous chinese medicine and tonic were tried and used... she was given liquid morphine to alleviate her pain.
pain, pain, pain... she groaned to me... helpless, the feeling i had then.
days passed like it was years for her... not able to sleep well, not able to eat well, feeling thirsty, feeling agitated and impatient easily, and PAIN... seeing her in agony, we hurt.
Aug 12, 2003 7.30am, i reached dad's place, she was there peacefully in bed with the lotus sign of Buddhism (hand signs). it was 15 July 2003 (Lunar Calendar), a day of compassion during Hungry Ghost Festival.
we told ourselves that this was the best relief for her.
thanks to all relatives and friends that gave their support and help during this period.
thanks to the nurses and doctors of Hospice for the regular visits and help.
a year later, through a medium, we understand that she received the house and car we provided, she was still recuperating from her sickness in the other world.
Oct 2006, the only time i 'saw' her... it was my dream... she was busy giving sweets and gifts to relatives, friends and her grand children from her (what-looked-liked) provision shop... that's the month of her birthday.
i hope to dream of her again this month... make it today.
(not sure why i remembered this day, probably my birthday which was the following day).
mum told us that she was going to see specialist at Alexandra Hospital the following week...
i always felt closer to her than my siblings since young.
i could sense that she always took special care of me... maybe i was the one that was always sick (suffering asthma attacks), getting most sprains, most cuts and most playful... the weakest in health.
----
during primary 3, i recalled that i was hospitalised (almost dead) because of asthma attacks. she would stay with me through the few nights, taking intense care of me. she would piggy-back me around.
----although she would nag, shout and scold, and at times, i find her annoying... i really miss her voice now.
Aug 12, 2003 around 3am, my wife and i woke up together... it was weird... no intruders, nothing.
7am, i received a call from meng (my younger bro), "二哥, mother走了!"... i really could not hold back my tears... unfillial, i reproached myself... i did not visit her for few days due to hectic work and my wife's pregnancy... this is my greatest regret.
the week following our mothers' day celebration, she visited the specialist with my sis, found lymph nodes in the neck, doc requested to operate and remove them... X-ray showed signs of cancer cells at lungs... she had the operations (not knowing of the cancer)... my sis consulted us, we seek second opinion with specialist at SGH (that was like one month later due to appointment schedule, ridiculous!)... she was in the fourth stage of cancer, nothing helped.. not even god or any of our beliefs...doc said that some patients could live for more than a year, he told us at least 6 months (how crap!).
respecting her decision to stay home and no chemotherapy (anywhere it's not going to help), we seek help with Hospice...
we were... we were planning to go for a tour before her condition worsen... the plan did not materialise... she got an 'nasty' attack during July (hard of breathing, lungs badly affected) and had to be put on oxygen (thanks to Hospice for supplying the equipment)... things happened so fast...
mum knew her days are numbered, she told dad her will... relatives and friends came... numerous chinese medicine and tonic were tried and used... she was given liquid morphine to alleviate her pain.
pain, pain, pain... she groaned to me... helpless, the feeling i had then.
days passed like it was years for her... not able to sleep well, not able to eat well, feeling thirsty, feeling agitated and impatient easily, and PAIN... seeing her in agony, we hurt.
Aug 12, 2003 7.30am, i reached dad's place, she was there peacefully in bed with the lotus sign of Buddhism (hand signs). it was 15 July 2003 (Lunar Calendar), a day of compassion during Hungry Ghost Festival.
we told ourselves that this was the best relief for her.
thanks to all relatives and friends that gave their support and help during this period.
thanks to the nurses and doctors of Hospice for the regular visits and help.
a year later, through a medium, we understand that she received the house and car we provided, she was still recuperating from her sickness in the other world.
Oct 2006, the only time i 'saw' her... it was my dream... she was busy giving sweets and gifts to relatives, friends and her grand children from her (what-looked-liked) provision shop... that's the month of her birthday.
i hope to dream of her again this month... make it today.
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(kiat)